Monday, January 22, 2007

A funny thing happened on the way to Target...

You really aren't out of money if you still have checks!

So, way back during the first week of January, I had to go to Target. So I'm saying to Steven, "I need the checks. Where are the checks?", and he motioned and mumbled like he always does, and I never understand but pretend I do. (If a doctor's talking was like his handwriting, that's what it sounds like.)

So I found a book of checks and grabbed it; Allison and I merrily on our way to Target, which is right next to World Market, and some other store was involved, but it's all blurry after that. Then we came home, and I haven't written a check since.

So the other day, Steven got something in the mail from our old bank in Houston...an account that has not been in use in over a year and a half, but was never completely closed. It had like 5 bucks in it or something. Anyway, SOMEONE had written some checks off that account all over San Antonio, they all bounced, we had accummulated a bit of debt with all the charges, and I've got the phone in my hand, ready to dial 911 ASAP because Steven was having a heart attack!

All I could understand with all the heavy breathing were words here and there..."Amoco" "checks" "$191.82!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "fees" "$75.00!!" "What" "the" "Fuck!" "Stolen identity" "Lawyer. We have lawyers for this." "FUCK!" "I can NEVER get things under control!" ...oh, and the pacing...I forgot to tell you about the pacing..."We're screwed!" "I'm gonna have to go to jail." "You think your Mom can help you with the kids?" "Holy Shit, Lauri! What am I gonna do?".

Of course, nothing I could say would help to calm him down at all. And all I knew was...It wasn't me! This was the one thing he couldn't blame me for, because I didn't even know that account still existed, much less that we actually had checks for it. And the fact that he would have them out in plain view for me to just grab and run off to Target or Barnes & Noble or anywhere??? No. Way.

I finally told him he had to stop or he was going to have a heart attack, and asked if that was what he really wanted? His response? "Your Dad! Can I talk to your Dad? He would know what to do!" So I get Dad on the phone, and guess what Dad told him...THE EXACT SAME EXACT THINGS I HAD EXACTLY BEEN TELLING HIM TO DO EXACTLY THE NEXT DAY, EXACTLY!!! But for some reason, this means nothing coming from ME, who was raised my Mr. Finance himself, and had been grilled and drilled daily for like 23 years or something. Ahhh...I remember our first Financial Meeting...Buras, LA...somewhere around 1972...mom was out for the night and dad didn't have any idea of what to do with me and Brian...so he taught us how bank accounts and checks and credit cards work. ;) Just kidding Dad...but, you and I both know it's true!

Steven did calm down a little at this point, but he just kept searching and searching for that checkbook. I was just glad I didn't have anything to do with it!

Steven: "I found the checkbook!"
Me: "Oh good."
Steven: "It was in the bottom of your backpack."
Me: *insert wide-eyed shocked face here* "Huh?"
Steven: "Yeah. You wrote these checks."
Me: "Oh good! Now you know someone didn't steal your identity!" *Big Smile Here*

Somehow, he didn't see the bright side in this; that it was me and not someone else.

Sometimes, he just has no sense of humor!

Anyway...we got it all worked out, and went and apologized and explained what happened to Target...for real...because I couldn't afford to be Blacklisted from there. And frankly, neither could they!

3 comments:

Elizabeth K said...

oh my god, that's hilarious. And yet, my nightmare at the same time.

Monica said...

Oh my! This is too funny! I'm glad it wasn't a case of identity theft.
I hope you can join the 'cabinet of curiosities' challenge. They're going to post the third challenge on Thursday. So I guess if you do the current challenge on Artsymama's blog, you can just link your post on her comments or in Bonnie's blog. There was a deadline to sign up, but I think a couple of people join after that. So, start your journal...Is really fun!

Michelle said...

That was hysterical! Love that he listens to your dad and not you. Don't you love that!

Gotta keep in Target's good graces.