Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Just when I think I'm going to have some time...

Ethan pulls more shit like this...

After he got to school this morning, he put his backpack down at a spot at the table, then went to get some breakfast. (We don't feed him enough here.) When he came back, some other kid had moved his backpack, but, the kid who moved it was NOT the kid sitting in "his" spot. No matter. Ethan attatcked him anyway. Totally wailed on an innocent kid who just sat down to eat his breakfast. Now he's in 'In School Suspension'. Steven called Ethan's psychiatrist and talked to him...he decided to move Ethan's appointment for next week up to this afternoon.
Plus I just had to take him to his psychologist's appointment yesterday.

I don't want a lot! Just some happy kids! A day without a crisis! Is it REALLY too much to ask for?????

And here I thought I could really get back into my art...actually have time to work and complete something. I was such an idiot. I'm never going to have time to do the things I want to do in life, am I? I've wanted to go back to work for so long, but realize that that just is not going to work! Not with a kid like Ethan who I would have to be taking time off several times a week for. But I really thought I could do this, art, from home! But I can't even do that because we either have this doctor's appointment or that meeting to go to. And when I get a day, like today, when I "know" I'm going to get to stay home aaaaaallllllllllllllll day, and work on whatever I want to, just as I'm sitting down and getting the needle threaded and trying to figure out where to put the first bead, WHAM! Another call from the school! I even vacuumed and cleaned this morning before I started working on anything so I wouldn't have something hanging over my shoulder that needed to be done! But now I'm so upset...how can I get back to where I was? Now is when I wish I had a REALLY BIG easel in a REALLY BIG studio and lots of REALLY BIG cans of paint...mostly black, but a little bit of blue...and I could just start slinging it all over the place!

No wonder I can't get anything finished...all my stuff is happy stuff, carefree stuff...and I just can't stay there long enough to finish it.

1 comment:

In Otter Space said...

You know you are not alone. I am right here in N.C. feeling your pain...relating to wanting to fling black and blue paint at a giant canvas. That sounds like a great tension reliever!
It sucks having days like these. It sucks having kids that constantly zap your energy. I think you are great and brave. Keep doing your art. Just a little art.
And each challenging day that comes makes you stronger in a way you never thought possible...in a way that you would not wish on your worst enemy. I know because the "you" I write of is really ME.
Hang in there L!